I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
