do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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