im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
