my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
