Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
