after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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