She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
