We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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