He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
