i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This baby is an asshole
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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