My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
