Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
