Too much gin, very little bucket
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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