No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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