You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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