Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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