You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
