Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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