it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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