I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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