My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm having to shit out rocks
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
