Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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