I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
