I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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