I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
