i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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