Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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