My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i would punch a child for taco bell
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
