I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I supernannyed him into submission
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
