I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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