i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
