He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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