Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize