I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
