Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
