So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dear god my vagina.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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