Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
