I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
