I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
