you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
