Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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