stop calling my apartment porn island.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
