so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
