Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
