you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just cropdusted the office
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
