did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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