the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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