both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
