It's Friday. Sex?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
