aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
