How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
