ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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