Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
