I'm going to jail i love you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
