you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
