i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
