Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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