my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
