remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
