Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
