Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
