Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
